"When people say there's hormones in the milk, they don't know what they are talking about."

Jacob switched the phone to his other ear, leaning back onto the shiny red and blue themed surface of the charging station while taking note of the various sets of aghast gazes, directed toward him by all the passengers under the redesigned led lighting that American Airlines hoped would make waiting at their gate feel “sprightly and fun.” He was used to it. Employed by a large agriculture and food mega-company, he had to take many a work call at airports. His 10-year employment anniversary carry-on promoted the products he helped sell and thus motivated the randoms at the airports to foist conversations upon him: whether organic is healthier for you, if cane sugar tastes better than high fructose corn syrup, farmed fish vs wild fish, whether food coloring causes cancer and autism.

He had experienced this so many times and patiently engaged so frequently that at some point a year or so ago, Jacob felt he was on the wrong end of a one-way energy flow and started to experiment with the power he noticed his bag had over their emotions and offenses.

He caught the stare of two college students returning from Hawaii. A trip they took because their favorite humanities professor convinced them Hawaiian culture is better than the culture of the United States. Both students’ fingers nervously grasped their appropriated leis as Jacob felt motivated to put on a bit of a show.

“They get all their news from TikTokers, who get all their news from TikTokers. A disturbed game of telephone, the end result of which is everyone getting increasingly dumber.  We test our milk and meat. It literally has the same amount of hormones as grass fed, organic, whatever."

Jacob was feeling himself. Getting louder, every so often he would gesticulate high above his head, temporarily exposing an ornate belt buckle that in quick glances left some of his viewers thinking it was Rodin's The Thinker, while others saw Mother Teresa standing off with a monkey. Exhausted and satisfied he had done enough to rile the audience, he finished his call and waited for the reaction. The sound of overhead lighting mixed with the beeping of a small people transport going by felt eerily quiet.

He looked up at all those in the terminal. They were silently staring at him. Well, wait… maybe not. They were looking in his direction, yes, but it felt like they were staring past him.

Jacob turned his head to see the beeping airport shuttle drive past, revealing behind it a four foot boy. Thick bodied. Looking to be 5 years old, possibly older. He had a pacifier in his mouth and was wearing a harness attached to a leash, being yanked from 10 feet away, by his mother.